This is only here to break up the article a bit.
I've discovered something though. It's shit hard to motivate yourself to exercise unless something pisses you off, or... Pisses you off some more. If a fatty thinks their life is grand, balancing Mars Bars on their upper lip until it inevitably falls into their mouth (they get riled up if it falls the other way), then you can't motivate yourself to work out. You're happy with who you are.
Sort of. You just don't know it yet. You eventually find out the hard way when your high school crush looks you in the eye and says, "Look, honey, I could wear your thigh fat as a blanket during the winter to avoid pneumonia". Then this shit pisses you off.
I'm going to take a step into conspiracy, you guys love that shit. And it starts with this: if the whole world starts suddenly getting slimmer and healthier. It means the fucking government is killing your family members to piss you off. Yes you. You personally. This might have repurcussions such as the economy falling flat on its arse. But fuck it. We'll be able to outrun lions when they eventually evolve.
You heard it here first.